PREFACE: This is a very, very rough draft of an opinion column I would like to submit to the lovely Phoenix Scope when I return to my position as a staff writer next year. (iow, I am a poor little aspiring journalist in high school.) That being said, if you're an orthodontist, please don't be offended

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In my parents' generation, the divorce rate wasn't the only statistic at an all-time low. The percentage of "metal-mouthed" adolescents roaming the halls of high schools nationwide was equally small compared to recent totals.

Of course, it is true that many twenty-first century teens are still in dire need of orthodontic adjustments (yours truly included!). And often, health problems relating to the jaw or the alignment of the teeth underline the need for braces, headgear, and the like. On the other hand, have crooked teeth, underbites, and the proverbial buck-toothed smile become drastically more prevalent in this day and age, despite the emergent technology used to wage war upon them -- or is it simply the urge to profit by others' imperfections that has increased at a rapid rate over the years?

The sight of so many youngsters sporting "brace faces," more than being a *bit* disconcerting, raises the essential question: How far is too far? At what point does aesthetics transcend health issues? And, yes, by the way, I do mean youngsters. These days, orthodontists are smackin' the wires on them at exceedingly tinier ages. I'm just waiting for the day they start putting them on fetuses.

I'm not one for conspiracy theories. Really. But after just a few fleeting observations of bracefaced youths in the area, I believe I have spotted the catch to this seemingly expedient process. You see, when you put braces on Little Johnny's teeth at age seven, his teeth haven't fully grown in yet. Therefore, the tiny prisons surrounding his teeth will not be liberated until he reaches, oh, about college age. Translation? More expensive. More frequent whining episodes about "Mommy, I broke my bracket again!" (Another point: Do little kids actually brush their teeth thoroughly? Cause for speculation...) And, oh, yes, I forgot the worst part: he'll have to look goofy at senior prom.

The truly pitiful part of the whole grueling process is that (pardon my general guesstimate here) probably HALF of these kids don't need braces at all. Perhaps we should take a leaf out of our forefathers' books, when the general rule of thumb seemed to comprise the following: If you don't cringe a little every time you look at the kid's mouth, he probably doesn't require fancy-schmancy orthodontia.

Not, of course, that braces aren't extremely valuable in their rightful place (i.e., their rightful mouth). I'm certainly grateful to have mine, despite the discomfort that their upkeep has inevitably inflicted on me. But it does make me shudder a bit when dentists say, "Maybe your brother needs braces..." (Hint: he doesn't.)

...Which brings us to the ultimate question of aesthetic concerns vs. health concerns. Should people force their children to undergo uncomfortable, possibly unnecessary procedures, just because it might make their smile a little easier on the eyes? That, of course, is up to parents to decide.

Personally, though, I wonder what's next... liposuction for chubby preteens, perhaps? We as a society have been supplied with virtually everything we need to mold our culture into a society of skinny, shiny, beautiful people. It's true -- amending others' flaws (read: messing with what Mama gave you) is becoming quite a lucrative business. Frighteningly enough, Botox, plastic surgery, and collagen injections have merged seamlessly into mainstream society. Just what lengths will we go to in order to preserve youth and beauty? When will we Americans learn to embrace our flaws, and give up on finding the fountain of youth -- or, as the case may be, the fountain of straight, lovely teeth? In simplest terms, when will we realize that the path to perfection can lead only to monotony? For my sake, and for the sake of posterity, I can only hope that our culture decides to end this futile quest for the unattainable before it is too late.